This afternoon we were watching a running event on the TV and when my son saw the runners he exclaimed: Papà!! (and he made that usual little ‘exercise sound’ and moved his arms back and forth in the air as if he was running) So cute and so innocent. But it made me realise that I am still so far from being where I thought I would be by now. While pregnant I was imagining that I would be that mum who had a running buggy and my baby would come with me running several times a week. That obviously didn’t happen – to also push something while running would only put the prolapse under more pressure, and I was therefore recommended not to. I could to be honest also clearly feel myself how that would be the case, so that running buggy I had always had my eyes on was early on crossed out from the shopping list (at least I had been clever enough not to get it before giving birth!).
E has never really been a runner, but the first Parkrun my son observed was one that he ran. And a few months later E even completed a marathon, and all that training he put in in between that…. well, I can’t be surprised that my son actually associates running with his dad!! That was something my pre-natal me never would have expected. So when he sat there on the sofa getting all excited seeing the runners, and instead of thinking about me he thought about his dad…….it broke my heart a little.
That is of course with no disrespect to either of my family members – my blameless son who just observes what is happening around him and is simply just excited if someone is running. And amazing E, who ran his first ever marathon and smashed it, I couldn’t be more proud of him. I have said many times something along the lines of that ‘well, someone in the family needs to run, right? If I can’t do it then he’ll have to do it!’ And I really enjoyed E getting into his running, and for me it was an incredible journey being part of his marathon training and see the result. And I can’t wait for him to run more!
But that spontaneous reaction my son had today just made me realise how wrong it felt for me that he associates running with his dad and not with his mum. Later in the evening, instead of taking the bus for my spin class I ran to the gym. I ran even if I have decided to avoid doing that in the evening as the prolapse is always worse then. I ran to make myself feel better. I ran because I should be the runner in the family.